My Review for I Am Number 4
I hate this movie.Just getting that out of the way.
Alright, now, a list of our characters.
Mark. Asshole bully. That's his entire character.
John. John is our main character, he's also an alien.
Sam. The best friend.
6. 6 is another of John's race and a complete badass. Sadly, she doesn't do anything for 90% of the movie.
Sarah. The love interest.
Henri: The Dad. Though not technically, as he's actually John's guardian from their home planet.
The villains
The evil aliens who are hunting John's race.
They don't do anything for 90% of the movie.
They do scare small children though.
They don't do anything for 90% of the movie.
They do scare small children though.
John starts out the movie surfing with some friends when his leg starts to glow, signifying that one of the 9 have been killed. See, John comes from an alien planet and is part of a set. They all have superpowers and have to be killed in order or they won't die. The evil aliens are hunting them down one by one. But don't worry, they don't show up until the end. Anyways, John and his dad move to the setting of the movie where John attends school and falls in love with Sarah, meets Sam, yadda yadda yadda.
So, on his first day, he has to deal with the REAL villains of this movie: Mark the psychopath and his gang of idiots.
What's that you say? You thought the evil aliens were the villains? Nope! The movie forgets all about them for 90% of the movie, instead pushing Mark as the Big Bad. The problem? John has superpowers and could clearly wipe the floor with them but doesn't. Because the plot says so.
So, John arrives at the school and Mark and his gang throw a football at Sam's head, because.....they're dicks like that and start jumping around and laughing and insulting him. In his one act of badassery for the next hour of the movie, John throws the football at one of Mark's friends and knocks the wind out of him and makes friends with Sam. Okay, you're thinking, John is a pretty cool guy, right? Keeeep watching.
Mark confronts John in the hallway and starts harassing him and John forgets all of his powers and acts terrified of Mark. John also meets Sarah, a photographer and his love interest for the movie. Also, she's Mark's ex. John and Sarah start dating. In between all of this, John's powers start kicking in further and he starts shining blue lights from his hands.
After a date with Sarah, we see that Mark is stalking her. Remember when I said Mark was a psycho? yeah, it's proven here. Mark rigs John and Sam's lockers up so that when they open them the next day they get splattered with red paint along with all of their belongings. So let's see here....assault, stalking, breaking and entering, I could go on..why has nobody reported him? Because the plot says so.
Sam gets pissed at the psycho and tackles him but Mark easily knocks him down and goes to beat Sam up and John, our cool, badass superpowered alien hero.......gives Mark a light shove. Mark calls him out and John....wimps out and backs away in fear.
Yeah.
Later, John goes on another date with Sarah on a hayride. Mark sends his gang of thugs to attack them. They drag John down off of the ride and start beating him and kicking him while he's down while another one grabs Sarah and carries her off. Let's add kidnapping to the list of charges shall we?
John FINALLY decides to be a badass again and tosses the punks off of him like rag dolls and goes after Sarah.
Meanwhile, Mark has captured Sarah and is yelling at her, telling her SHE'S the big problem. No, it's not that he's a psychotic bastard, no, no, she's the problem. Hypocrite. When Sarah tries to leave, Mark grabs and shoves her to the ground.
John arrives and we're finally, finally, FINALLY going to see him wipe the floor with the douche. They start circling each other, staring into each other's eyes, Mark makes the first move but John is faster. He grabs Mark annnndd.....shoves him to the ground. Oh, and grabs his arm, ready to give him what he deserves when suddenly!
 |
So, John arrives at the school and Mark and his gang throw a football at Sam's head, because.....they're dicks like that and start jumping around and laughing and insulting him. In his one act of badassery for the next hour of the movie, John throws the football at one of Mark's friends and knocks the wind out of him and makes friends with Sam. Okay, you're thinking, John is a pretty cool guy, right? Keeeep watching.
Mark confronts John in the hallway and starts harassing him and John forgets all of his powers and acts terrified of Mark. John also meets Sarah, a photographer and his love interest for the movie. Also, she's Mark's ex. John and Sarah start dating. In between all of this, John's powers start kicking in further and he starts shining blue lights from his hands.
After a date with Sarah, we see that Mark is stalking her. Remember when I said Mark was a psycho? yeah, it's proven here. Mark rigs John and Sam's lockers up so that when they open them the next day they get splattered with red paint along with all of their belongings. So let's see here....assault, stalking, breaking and entering, I could go on..why has nobody reported him? Because the plot says so.
Sam gets pissed at the psycho and tackles him but Mark easily knocks him down and goes to beat Sam up and John, our cool, badass superpowered alien hero.......gives Mark a light shove. Mark calls him out and John....wimps out and backs away in fear.
Yeah.
Later, John goes on another date with Sarah on a hayride. Mark sends his gang of thugs to attack them. They drag John down off of the ride and start beating him and kicking him while he's down while another one grabs Sarah and carries her off. Let's add kidnapping to the list of charges shall we?
John FINALLY decides to be a badass again and tosses the punks off of him like rag dolls and goes after Sarah.
Meanwhile, Mark has captured Sarah and is yelling at her, telling her SHE'S the big problem. No, it's not that he's a psychotic bastard, no, no, she's the problem. Hypocrite. When Sarah tries to leave, Mark grabs and shoves her to the ground.
John arrives and we're finally, finally, FINALLY going to see him wipe the floor with the douche. They start circling each other, staring into each other's eyes, Mark makes the first move but John is faster. He grabs Mark annnndd.....shoves him to the ground. Oh, and grabs his arm, ready to give him what he deserves when suddenly!
 |
| NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! |
Yep, despite him clearly being a complete psycho, Sarah insists that John not hurt precious Mark. So, Mark gets off scott free and runs to his cop dad and they start hunting John. Smooooth Sarah.
Later, they try to go to a party but Mark's thugs attack them AGAIN!
John shows off his powers to Sarah.
Later, they try to go to a party but Mark's thugs attack them AGAIN!
John shows off his powers to Sarah.
After more pointlessness, the movie remembers it has a PLOT!!!!!!!!
DUN DUN DUNNNN!
DUN DUN DUNNNN!
I know, I was surprised too.
The evil alien guys finally arrive and start wrecking things. And they were worth the wait.....kinda. They attack and kill Henri. I like this, it's a major step up from scaring little kids by making faces. I am not kidding, they literally do that.
Our villains ladies and gentlemen.
Our villains ladies and gentlemen.
The aliens attack Mark and his dad and scare them a little and drag Mark around for a little bit. Yep. That's the worst that happens to him. The aliens arrive at the school and start shooting everything. Due to being...well...John, they are kinda screwed until.....SIX RETURNS!
Yep, remember her? The biker chick who blew up a house as her intro? Yep, she shows up to save the day and her entrance turns John back into a badass and even Sam gets in on it, picking up an alien's gun and joining in on the fight.
Oh yeah, and, John's dog shows up and it can turn into a monster and fights another monster.
Oh yeah, and, John's dog shows up and it can turn into a monster and fights another monster.
Believe me when I say, this is as good as it gets.
And at the end, John, Sam and 6 decide to leave and find the rest of their alien friends. Mark apologizes and they instantly forgive him for being a psychotic ass. SO much so that John even breaks up with Sarah and leaves her in the capable hands of Mark. You know, the psychopath?
BRILLIANT!
#4 is just a real bait and switch. It COULD have been awesome, and the potential is there but it's all buried under cliche highschool antics and forgets the interesting plot elements until the very end.
I will say that it had some cool effects at the final showdown, and some good characters and if it focused on the aliens, the powers and been about a run and hide guerrila style warfare between the good aliens and the bad, it could have been freaking epic. Sadly....we did not get that.
Final Score: 2 out of 10. And that's just for 6 and the final showdown.
My advice? Skip the movie entirely, watch the final battle, return it the next day.
My advice? Skip the movie entirely, watch the final battle, return it the next day.
