So our movie starts off with a reporter/photographer dude bro looking around a seemingly abandoned house and taking pictures. He wanders into the basement and finds an awesome looking mask on a table and as he crouches down to take a picture, a figure appears behind him and kills him and grabs the mask.
We then cut to the title screen.
After this, we are introduced to our protagonists: Husband and Wife Hugh and Laurie as they are settling into a new house in the countryside. Laurie is all set to start relaxing and fixing up the house, but Hugh decided to invite his friends along and they invited their friends for a huge party and didn't tell Laurie. Obviously, she is unhappy about this. We are introduced to the rest of the cast: Douchebag, Slut, Artistic Nature Girl and Kenneth
Right off the bat, we discover that douche is an unlikeable asshole, as fitting the name I have given him. So after they check out the house and bug Laurie for awhile, they find Nature Girl drawing the house from outside. While chatting with her, they spot a seemingly abandoned house off in the distance and, being horror movie characters, decide to go check it out despite Kenneth and Hugh's reservations about it.
He continually tries to convince them to stay away from it, but they just ignore him. Douche starts breaking windows and everything else he can find and Slut joins in with him. Douche even pisses on the floor like an animal. Eventually, they badger Kenneth into breaking a hole in the floor with a heavy object.
Meanwhile, Laurie is exploring her house and finds some stuff, like old dolls and a picture of somebody getting a donation and standing next to a family, along with a sad looking girl. Curious.
Also, inside of the house, they find stuff laying around like china figurines and pictures on the wall, but pay no attention to it.
After they leave, we see a figure watching them.
The party goes on and a house full of drunken idiots show up. Nature Girl drops acid and trips balls, tries to hit on Kenneth, gets forgotten about and goes back to the abandoned house to party on her own. Widow, naturally still pissed about the idiots wrecking her house, deides to make her presence known. Nature girl is killed via stabbing. The kind of stabbing that makes your guts fall out while the slasher watches you die. Oh and then just to finish things, she crushes Nature's head with her own mini-buddha statue. and then Widow decides to go check out the party from the outside. Deciding to bide her time for now, she waits for more victims and stalks a couple making out.
A fuse blows and the power goes out so Hugh decides to check it out and gets the power back on. Literally just as the power turns back on, Widow pops up and cuts the couples heads off.
That's another thing I love about Widow: She.Is.NINJA! Seriously, I know it's a horror trope, but this woman is good at it. Wonder if Nyssa trained her?
She hides the bodies too, because nobody finds them the next day, only leaving their cars behind. Speaking of which, the partiers all up and leave in the morning while the cast is sleeping, leaving it to them to fix things up.
Hugh and Laurie talk and she is clearly still pissed about him not telling her about the party and not telling her anything so the two argue with each other while Douchebag wonders around hungover and tries to make coffee. He asks for nature girl but Kenneth tells them that she's still missing.
Honestly, I kinda like Kenneth, he's like Dax if he could act and he's the most normal and down to Earth of the cast. They try to call Nature girl but no dice.
So Kenneth and Laurie decide to investigate the abandoned house ad there's a huge sense of dread while investigating, as if Widow could jump out of any corner. Laurie steps on some blood but doesn't notice. She does find a study and scattered photos on the floor of the little girl and the man, who's face is slashed out. There's also a notebook. Laurie looks at a glass picture of some little girls and Widow walks by to spook her in a very subtle jump scare and then ninja vanishes
Kenneth finds the hole to the basement but gets called away by Laurie.
They rationalize it as her simply hitching a ride with somebody. Laurie talks to the landlady who gave them the house and we learn that the house next door was a boarding school and that there was a possible murder there at the hands of a girl, possibly the one in the photo?
We see Widow again sharpening her knives in her basement, all decked out in her ninja gear and we get a good look at her costume and she is fucking cool. Still pissed about the breaking and entering, she plots her next series of kills.
Laurie reads the notebook and we hear about a girl named Tiffany who was tortured by a man who worked at the boarding school, possibly molested, and that all of the girls there laughed at her for it and tormented her for it. Thankfully, we learn that Tiff got her revenge and killed him for it. The girls, being bitches, named her Blood Widow for it.
Speaking of whom, Douchebag is about to have sex with his girlfriend but Widow pops up again and kills her just as she's flashing him and Widow strokes her hair while Douche runs inside and tells everyone what's going on. Widow, of course, has already cut the phone lines. Panicking, they search for weapons while Widow slashes their tires, leaving them trapped.
They decide to board up the house for right now, lacking a better plan and huddle up in the living room while Widow kills the power. This alerts them to the fact that the Widow is inside. The gang splits up and Widow pwns Hugh by slamming a door in his face, KOing him.
PWNAGE!
They run upstairs and start panicking. Laurie bitchslaps Douche to quiet him down and they hear that Widow has ninja'ed on the roof. They try to escape out the Window and lower Laurie out of the window, but Widow ninjas right next to her, seriously, she fucking teleports there from out of nowhere, and pimpslaps Laurie to the ground and KOs her and cuts off Douchebag's hands and walks right in while Kenneth runs for his life. Widow decides to grab Laurie and goes back to her house. But not before trolling Kenneth a little bit more while he wakes for Hugh to wake up.
Laurie awakens in the Widow's basement, chained to the ceiling by her hands and Widow comes down to visit, carrying a hook-whip-thing. Laurie tries to reason with her to no avail, begging and pleading with the masked woman. Widow cuts her legs and removes her pants, thankfully leaving on her underwear, so not going THAT FAR, thankfully, but she does take the hook whips and start slashing at her legs. She's even holding a camera while doing so!
I can only assume that this is what must have happened to her all those years ago. Laurie again tries to reason with her but Widow just beats her up, gags her and locks her in a closet.
Hugh wakes up and Kenneth tells him what went down. They clean themselves up and Kenneth assumes Laurie to be dead. Douche IS dead of course.
Hugh wants to rescue her, Kenneth wants to wait for help but Hugh is adamant. They go find Hugh's crossbow and the camera of Laurie being tortured. They run off to the rescue and into Widow's trap.
Meanwhile, more of their friends arrive to greet them and check out the new house. Widow kills them while they are looking around.
Back with our heroes, they are still bumbling around the house for so long that the Widow has time to walk back over there and find them while Laurie frees herself. Widow pops back up and cuts Hugh's hand off and then tears up his face with her whip while Kenneth runs off and breaks his foot on the hole in the floor he made earlier. Widow kills him with a sickle and now it's down to Laurie VS Widow.
Laurie finds some tunnels under the house and tries to escape that way, but the Widow finds her first and we get a chase scene all around the tunnels while the two are crawling around. It's different, I like it.
Laurie manages to escape and holds the grate closed with her feet, staving off Widow's assault for now.
Laurie frees herself from her bindings and puts a heavy object in front of the grate. She tries to escape up the stairs but Widow Falcon Kicks her back down. Laurie gets up though and finds an axe but Widow backhands the blade off of it and just shakes her head. 'Whatchu got bitch? You got nothing!'
However, her overconfidence betrays her and Laurie actually manages to knock her down, breaking part of her mask in the process. She finds Hugh's dead body, grabs the crossbow and....spends a whole freaking minute walking around Widow's unconscious body and lining up a shot, so of course, Widow recovers and knocks Laurie down again. Fed up with the fun and games, Widow takes the handle of the axe and beats Laurie to death with it, eventually going wild with her hits, going so crazy that she lets out a scream of rage, the only human sound she's made all movie.
After killing Laurie dead, Widow stands tall and victorious and walks back up the stairs and closes the gate. Credits.
THOUGHTS AND RATNG
The characters are idiots, of them, only Kenneth and Laurie are really likeable. Hugh comes off as a jerk, Douche is a douche, his girlfriend is just there for sex, and Nature Girl was a stoner.
The Real Star is, of course, Blood Widow herself. Holy crap is this villain cool. She's a super cool costume, a very nice mask, and outside of one scream of rage at the end, she comes off as very intimidating and inhuman. We get some backstory for her but nothing explicit, it gives you just enough to make you wonder what the f-k happened to her and leave you wanting to know more, and make you know she was normal once without woobiefying her. That is the way it should be too. No need to explore everything you know?
Combined with the mask and her subtle movements and head tilts, she comes off as less of a human being or a monster and actually seems almost alien at some points. She's a killing machine, but not an invincible one, she's just very stealthy and much smarter than everybody else in the movie. The one time she makes a mistake, she immediately learns from it and stops screwing around.
I really want to see a sequel with this character, let's see her fighting police come to investigate, escalate all of this!
The gore and violence are quick and to the point, but they do a lot with so little: We've got guts spilling out, decapitations, limbs cut off, torture, etc.
For fanservice, panty shots, sex and nudity.
All in all, I give this film a 9 out of 10 with a very high recommendation.
Calling Dibs!
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